The New God

[alonso ramoran]

Hi billy, thoughts below

The New God.

Will paradise abound in flames tonight The idea of this line makes for a good opening, but I wonder if "abound in flames" can be replaced with something more grabbing. Maybe there isn't but I think it's worth considering.
as fire floods towards the pearly-gates? Floods makes me think of water which contradicts the subject while making me think passively about the fire. Maybe a more aggressive verb can replace it and, if it happens to be a foot longer than floods, we could probably change "towards" to "for" or leave it as it is, since it's kind of ambiguous and depends on the meter of the words around it.
Are ne'er-do-wells all getting better rates
while men of God have given up the fight? Plainly written "given up the fight" kinda tells more than shows, doesn't it?
Has Peter sunk into the wings of spite, This is more like it. I think this line should end in a question mark.
are he and "God the good" no longer mates? 'God the good'? I've never heard of this title before. If this was made up, I think we could come up with something better than just "good"
and this usurper of all Gods; who waits I think maybe this should be rephrased as "And this usurper of all Gods, he waits" and maybe capitalize the "h" in "he" to solidify the status of this usurper. Just an idea.
till souls of men become his neophytes. All in all, I think these final lines are good for leading into the volta.

Make way for Don the self proclaimed; the man, No comma needed and I think a colon would work better than a semi-colon.
who sells you gold but only gives you lead. Again, just an idea, change it however you like: who sells you for your dum-da, gilded lead.
While wanting walls, old golden-balls lays waste, No comma needed.
to moralistic thoughts; you'd think him Klan. For moralistic thoughts to be laid to waste I think is a good thing, and I don't think that's the light you want to portray this new god under. Moralistic thoughts seem like something someone has who believes their moral compass is superior to others when the issue of morals is kind of a grey area. That aside, the idea of one wall going up while another more internal one being torn down is a great one that I think you should stick with if you revise.
Within him, kindness and contrition fled
along with truth, a billionaire debased. This ending leaves a little much to be desired for me. It seems to continue listing the bad traits of Don but it doesn't wrap up the sonnet adequately.

I feel as if I were a little harsh in this critique but there were things that I found strong. The rhyme scheme and meter for instance was pretty watertight and the overall subject of the poem was enough to keep my interest. One thing I dislike about critiquing form poetry is that I know if I suggest for something to be worded differently then there's that whole possibility that it will muck up the meter or rhyme and the poet has to deal with that stuff which, I know, is tough. So I hope I was somewhat easy on the structure of your sonnet.

Like to hear your thoughts.
Alex