Greg's grebe (v.g)

[billy]

if i were to mention anything it would be nitpicking. really good solid edits this last one finishes it off for me, well done.

3rd EDIT

Sexual conquests
was his subject
throughout high dosage –
 
endless displays of paper dolls
joined at hands and feet,
correctly coloured in.
 
As medium ground approached,
the lines began to shorten
and hide in bird-print robes,
 
and today
at just 5 milligrams,
Greg presents a grebe –
 
a little grebe,
sailing across a lake
through clouds

:>)

2nd EDIT:

Sexual conquests
was his subject
throughout high dosage –
 
endless displays of paper dolls
joined at hands and feet,
correctly coloured in.
 
As medium ground approached,
the lines began to shorten
and to hide in bird-print robes,
 
and today
at just 5 milligrams,
Greg presents a grebe –
 
a little grebe,
sailing across a lake,
paddling smoothly
through the clouds

:>)


1st EDIT:

Sexual conquests
was his subject
throughout high dosage –
 
miles-long displays of paper dolls,
arms and legs splayed invitingly,
bodies well detailed.
 
As medium ground approached,
the lines began to dwindle
and to dress
in bird-print robes,
 
and today
at just 5 milligrams,
Greg presents a grebe –
 
a little grebe,
sailing across a lake,
paddling smoothly
through the clouds.

:>)


Original:

Throughout high dosage,
his subject was
sexual conquests –

miles-long displays of paper dolls,
explicitly coloured,
arms joined. lovely image

But as medium ground approached,
the lines began to dwindle
and today,
at just 5 milligrams,
he presents a grebe –

a single little grebe,
making its way
across a lake,
paddling smoothly
through the clouds