10-31-2018, 12:25 PM
i didn't really give enough feedback so here goes. both first lines could be stronger.
in connection to the title the poem takes on a solid metaphorical meaning. both meanings work well, i'd just like to see more depths.
in connection to the title the poem takes on a solid metaphorical meaning. both meanings work well, i'd just like to see more depths.
(10-29-2018, 02:12 PM)cloud Wrote: [Edit 1.589]
a gentle stream
softly crumbles this is an excellent image, it really capture what happens in connection to the next line. loved it
by resting shores
where all rivers arc
in seamless flow
lay the sea; soaring another good image.
waves crest
above morning clouds
falling
like a silent drop a suggestion would be "like silent drops"
^OG