10-31-2018, 03:56 AM
...and I'm back :-)
Thanks again for the comments. I've just posted a revision, taking on board the critiques. Here's a summary of changes:
S1
I've rearranged this, to make a stronger beginning, and perhaps the enjambement's better too? (I think I need to read up about this technique, as I'm not too sure of my line breaks most of the time!)
S2
I've added a little detail to the dolls. They're the type made by cutting shapes out of folded paper to form a joined line, and I hope the splayed limbs are sufficiently provocative! I'm happy to re-revise this and any other line/s.
S3
I've tried to find something between sex and duck. It's pretty! (Perhaps.)
S4
I've added 'Greg', just to recall the title.
S5
The little grebe is now sailing and it's no longer described as 'single'.
Thank you :-)
Thanks again for the comments. I've just posted a revision, taking on board the critiques. Here's a summary of changes:
S1
I've rearranged this, to make a stronger beginning, and perhaps the enjambement's better too? (I think I need to read up about this technique, as I'm not too sure of my line breaks most of the time!)
S2
I've added a little detail to the dolls. They're the type made by cutting shapes out of folded paper to form a joined line, and I hope the splayed limbs are sufficiently provocative! I'm happy to re-revise this and any other line/s.
S3
I've tried to find something between sex and duck. It's pretty! (Perhaps.)
S4
I've added 'Greg', just to recall the title.
S5
The little grebe is now sailing and it's no longer described as 'single'.
Thank you :-)
Please note, I'm away at the moment because my partner is unwell and he requires a little extra TLC.