First Edit: Remoteness/September Snow

[nozaki]

this crit might not be in-depth as this category warrants, but ah, i tried. hope you may find some of it helpful. 

September Snow

A hood hides your face
like clouds cover stars -the follow-up lines are really what make this piece shine. lovely
as an early winter prepares
to bury dead leaves. -dead seems somewhat redundant after bury. maybe dry? anyways, I think you did a really good job editing this stanza into something very spare and evocative. 

North is not a place
for love poems. 
Hearts freeze here, 
even when insulated by layers -considering the next line, seems like punctuation is needed here. on second glance, I guess not. I like it. 
only you have the patience
to remove and neatly fold. -aw, hint of a love poem anyways. 
Lips crack, with or without
the pressure of kissing, 
my mittened hands
still cold. -not so hot on the last four lines, to me they're lacking as strong of a focus that you had in earlier lines. I think the detail falls a bit flat. 

Original:

Remoteness

Snow in September,
a hood hides your face
like clouds cover stars,
while a storm prepares
to bury the dead colours
of autumn.

North is not a place
for love poems.
Hearts freeze there,
even when insulated by layers
only you have the patience
to remove and neatly fold,
lips crack, with or without
the pressure of kissing,
my mittened hands lonely.