Gone (Revision)

[Todd]

Hi Paul, appreciate the comments.

Hey Todd, a few thoughts on my early reads...

She leaves home so often;
you stop noticing. Until the day, 
she doesn’t come back. not really understanding the punctuation choices up to here. The 2nd sentence is either a fragment, or, read correctly, turns your intended meaning on its head. I think you need to lose the semi-colon and the full stop. An em dash after "noticing" maybe? I'm not sure yet.

You look at some of your choices in the light of day and you think what the hell were you thinking with that. I'm not sure how I got here. Good call out. I'll fix it.

Light retreats to shadow,
You pull back the curtain Cap on "You'?--ugh. Yes, you're right. My punctuation so far isn't ready for basic much less this forum. I'll do a better job proofreading. In my process, it's a different part of my brain that is active. When I'm editing my creativity crashes. I rushed putting this up I'm thinking. I need to get everything out, sit with it, edit it, and then post. Good catch.
to peer down the tunnel
between streetlights, listen
to the hungry night, (then turn back
to your husband over dinner and push
food around your plate.) Enjoying the content here but the delivery feels like it could be cleaned up. The image is great but the words need shuffling.--I'll give it some thought to see if I can streamline the transitions better.

The hours drag the rivers, You've enjambed mid-line! Not sure if I love it or it's wasted by not somehow having a line break on "drag". (of course that would involve playing with line lengths and maybe extra words, so I'm stuck on it)--Normally, I probably would have restructured and done the break after drag--even if only for the tension and time that beat would imply. I mostly just wanted the full thought to sit as one unit here.
waiting for a call, or a note,
like in the movies, but there’s no bargaining
except with God. She’s vanished wonderfully constructed line. Comic relief with built-in deniability 
in a perverse magic trick, would prefer "some" rather than "a" for tone. Only a personal preference- --I would consider some.
into a disappearing box, 
out of your life,
and the magician 
has had a heart attack.
No words exist
to make her reappear. 

I always like how simple and complex can live side by side in your poems. Another good example. I'll be back,
Paul

Thank you, Paul.

Best,

Todd