10-26-2018, 08:40 PM
Hi Todd,
simple, yet effectively chilling.
For me it's a bit overwritten (and perhaps
the title gives away too much).
Just a cut and paste suggestion:
After Curfew (or something similar)
You pull back the curtain
peer between streetlights,
listen to the hungry night,
then turn to your husband
push[ing] food around [his] plate,
waiting, for ...
No words exist
to make her reappear.
- (don't know that you needs the italicised part)
She leaves home so often
you stop noticing. Until the day,
she doesn’t come back.
- seems wrong to have the knockout blow at the beginning
Best, Knot.
simple, yet effectively chilling.
For me it's a bit overwritten (and perhaps
the title gives away too much).
Just a cut and paste suggestion:
After Curfew (or something similar)
You pull back the curtain
peer between streetlights,
listen to the hungry night,
then turn to your husband
push[ing] food around [his] plate,
waiting, for ...
No words exist
to make her reappear.
- (don't know that you needs the italicised part)
She leaves home so often
you stop noticing. Until the day,
she doesn’t come back.
- seems wrong to have the knockout blow at the beginning
Best, Knot.