After dinner naps

[Knot]

Hi billy, enjoyed the read.

After Dinner Naps

I could smell cabbage
on her breath. glued [to] her
pristine peggies; three of them,
marble tombstones spattered
- I can see why the 'tombstone' image, but
how does it fit in with 'monsters'?
with lichen, moss and slime.

A hefty burp exploded, [swamp gas,]
Shrek at a dinner table. Neon green
sticky vomit projectiled over a toothy grin,
- can 'three peggies' be described as toothy?
a satisfied toothy grin.

Gooey fists slapped my ears,
- if they are 'fists' aren't they punching or boxing your ears.
Slaps are open handed.
wiped themselves in my well groomed hair.
she/it put chubby inflated fingers to her mouth
- either 'inflated' or 'chubby' (one, at least, is redundant)
then played patticake on my face.
- it would, I think, be nice to have more of a description
of this (and its results) before jumping to 'My shirt'
(Might 'she' have slapped you sticky, for instance?)

My shirt cried a little
as my bellybutton inhaled the moisture.
- not sure about 'inhaled' in terms of 'moisture', maybe 'drowned in '?
I wretched a little as the bubble blowing face
- isn't it 'retched' ? Also, second 'face' what happened to 'Shrek'?
I think you should stick with the monster image (especially given
your last line).
flopped onto my mouth
- something disgustingly evocative after flopped?
like she were trying to resuscitate me
with the gurgle of a slit throat.
- this seems really out of place (as does 'lifeless' in the next verse).

After a few splutters she rested,
her head lifeless on my shoulder,
seemingly devoid of bone or cartilage.
A wisp of breath brushed my ear
- do you need this? Second use of 'ear'.
a silent trump rustled her diaper.
- 'silent' and 'rustled' ?

I joined her soft snoozes with my own;
two happy dozing monsters.
- maybe two monsters, happy, dozing ?


Best, Knot.

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