First Edit: Remoteness/September Snow

[Todd]

Hi Richard, some thoughts on your piece:

Remoteness

Snow in September,--This is a flat opening line for me. It's telling. It doesn't draw me in. I do think you can fix it with a simple rearrangement of your opening lines. Perhaps

a hood hides your face
like snow in September
clouds cover stars

a hood hides your face
like clouds cover stars,
while a storm prepares
to bury the dead colours--I like this last thought quite a bit. I can live with the break here, though I'm split on whether that extra beat hurts the of autumn. It may be better completely sitting on one line. I'm undecided.
of autumn.

North is not a place--This is a really cool break. It makes the line interesting and then shifts entirely on the next line.
for love poems.--love this section too.
Hearts freeze there,
even when insulated by layers--nice building on the conceit
only you have the patience
to remove and neatly fold,
lips crack, with or without--Not really liking the passive voice of lips crack.
the pressure of kissing,
my mittened hands lonely.--No other issues with this sequence. I think you pick up steam as you go along. My issue is with the opening not encouraging me to get here.

Just some thoughts, Richard.

Best,

Todd