09-15-2018, 10:38 PM
Hi Wjames,
Stanza one works very well (just needs a comma after
'iron'), though if you could cut back on the use of 'and',
I think it would improve the piece.
Not sure that the second is necessary: for me it doesn't
add much to the picture you've already painted. (If
you keep it though you might consider breaking L10
after 'watch'.)
Best, Knot.
Stanza one works very well (just needs a comma after
'iron'), though if you could cut back on the use of 'and',
I think it would improve the piece.
Not sure that the second is necessary: for me it doesn't
add much to the picture you've already painted. (If
you keep it though you might consider breaking L10
after 'watch'.)
Best, Knot.