09-15-2018, 08:03 AM
Thanks for your thoughts, Alex, sorry it took me so long to get back to this.
I agree with most of your thoughts, except for the bit about the incomplete sentence, it may not be a complete sentence grammatically in and of itself, but I think the relation to the [now different] title completes the sentence/thought.
I've made some changes with your thoughts in mind, the title critique was especially important because I love the word caramelized, and it sort of conveyed the intended meaning but it was a stretch and needed to be better. I think the poem is stronger now.
I agree with most of your thoughts, except for the bit about the incomplete sentence, it may not be a complete sentence grammatically in and of itself, but I think the relation to the [now different] title completes the sentence/thought.
I've made some changes with your thoughts in mind, the title critique was especially important because I love the word caramelized, and it sort of conveyed the intended meaning but it was a stretch and needed to be better. I think the poem is stronger now.