Window Crack

[Tiger the Lion]

Hello again, Fae. Much like with the stranded poem there are interesting images here, but they don't really add up to a whole. Since you are approaching it as a sort of w.i.p. exercise, I will treat it as such.

His window (this is a clear image but you are spoon feeding the reader imo.)
Slightly cracked
He sat alone
And he listened.

if you said

"He cracked the window
and listened"

The image is just as clear to me with half the reading to do

You could almost
twirl the humidity
around your finger
and eat it like
cotton candy Enjoyed this

The mustard sky
loomed above the
fields, static
building with
opressive gloom

For me, the image here lies in "static building" - I think you could describe it better if you spend some time with it

The sun soaked
pavement thirstily
drinks the cascade
screaming with relief
after weeks ablaze not liking this strophe. It's a bit of a cliche image and it's overdressed to compensate. And don't take that too harshly. All of us struggle to avoid cliche. Sometimes we get lucky.

Quietly he sighed
as the rain fell
to earth like marble
sized meteorites
onto dead grass
Again too elaborate for me. I'd be happier with...

"He sighed
as the rain fell"

But I'm just one reader. 

-----

That's all I got so far. I kinda like this. Interesting ideas, no?

I enjoyed both your poems. I think you'd benefit from having confidence in your word choices and core metaphors rather than try to prop them up with a dozen more words most readers don't need.
I'll be back,
Paul