heaven

[nozaki]

i was still outside the first 
three times i threw up 

only colorful when wounded
my life feathers at the edges

lakeside kids who all took 
shots after each song, the mood

was familiar, sullen, too lazy
to pick up who i was yesterday 

i see through the spring 
and the winter, the salacious

and the fast, and yet still
i am so far from you

"i've thrown up five times already," 
i said into the phone ("damn") 

you who will press water 
to my lips and let me adrift 

anger is flush with beauty and 
some things must be sinned for