From the ditch by the concession stand

[Knot]

Hi Acapella,
must admit, this one's grown on me.

Some comments and suggestions.

From the ditch by the concession stand
I don't think this does enough, it doesn't
seem to relate to the poem at all.


I heard a father toad sigh
(maybe describe the sigh? Deep as...
then you could repeat 'sigh' at the start
of L2)
to the string of black pearl children
(great line)
notions of parting, of the deepest
'notions' is a bit weak, given what
is being conveyed.
toad love, [of how h]e dare not look
upon them once the wriggling started[.]
(It need not be said. It had happened
to other toads.)

“Treasure th[os]e tails my [gleaming?] darlings.
Suckle the stones. But if the puddle dries,
sprout legs quick. Your warts will protect you
now. [Y]ou must piss in a mouth or two
if you want to string your own
can you find a better alternative to
the repetition of 'string'?
puddle-shined necklace"
(The title says 'ditch', where'd the
puddle come from?)


Hope this is of use.


Best, Knot.