06-25-2018, 11:26 PM
It seems very compressed, but lacks any real intensity or experiential richness. What are you saying to or of emerging poets? It seems you're telling them in very literal language that they are only drinking themselves to death for no reason. Maybe you could work on the symbolism of drunkenness as poetic reverie or drive. Maybe you're already doing that but it's not coming through. Poems like this sometimes come across as hopelessness on the part of the author, or satire. If you want to write about hopelessness, what is really cutting is to make it feel hopeful. Make a pathetic devastation of a sensibility.