06-25-2018, 02:32 PM
(06-12-2018, 12:49 PM)alexorande Wrote: Time GapA very elegant poem. I like the juxtaposition of light waves and sending messages over time. Its not clear to me whether the narrator is sending words forward or backward in time. I'm not sure if it would help the poem to make that more clear.
I send unspoken words for waves I think "bottled" was a better word choice here. Maybe try replacing "for" with "on"
of light to bring to you, without shattering the prism
I have placed within the years between us. The courier
is fractured into rainbows that you laugh within
until you're close enough to break the glass. Then,
you will see carnations for their white. A white flower definitely works better to invoke a sense of convergence once the glass is broken.
