06-24-2018, 02:12 AM
"We hide from la llorona, her horrific grieving
body grazing the night fed streets like the slowest fire."
This an awkward simile. How is "Grazing body" like "the slowest fire"? For me this does not transfer a coherent image.
Is the "la Llorona" of fixture endemic to the folklore of the town? If not it seems a bit ad hoc.
"Our bedroom is haunted by something new." Is it the ants that are the something "new". If not the line really doesn't seem to add much and should be exorcised.
Best,
dale
body grazing the night fed streets like the slowest fire."
This an awkward simile. How is "Grazing body" like "the slowest fire"? For me this does not transfer a coherent image.
Is the "la Llorona" of fixture endemic to the folklore of the town? If not it seems a bit ad hoc.
"Our bedroom is haunted by something new." Is it the ants that are the something "new". If not the line really doesn't seem to add much and should be exorcised.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.