Second Edit: To Emerging Poets

[Knot]

Hi Richard,
like the idea here, but wonder if there's maybe
a bit of 'swagger' missing from the language.
Some cut n paste suggestions below.


To Emerging Poets

Of course, you were just drunk.
Eyes bloodshot from blacking out,
mouth dry from metaphor,
- repetition of 'from'
[Imagining] ironies where other see
only what is there.
[O]ne [ink-]stained hand, the other
clean as [all that] unused paper.

[But,] this is your place, [poet,]
hidden beneath words that sit quiet
[as] flowers [by/before] a gravestone,
bulky with an extended epitaph.
- 'bulky' doesn't fit at all, as far asI can see.

This is your place, a piece of you
resting between pages, stiff, dry,
- 'stiff, dry' could stand improvement, I think
[some] small part of something
- 'of something grander' is a bit weak
(though I see where you're going)
grander, missed the moment it fell.

This is your place, reserved
at the head table, speeches
describing your contribution,
- 'speeches describing you contribution'
right idea but poor execution, I think.
? epideictic ? lauding ? paean?
Is the poet listening?
wine sweet as anesthetic, applause
louder than a mother comforting her dead son.
- Not sure that this last line does much, and
ending on 'applause' seems more satisfying, I think.


Enjoyed the read.

Best, Knot.