Honey Crisps

[alonso ramoran]

Hi Radetof.Yahska, my comment below

Beauty demonstrated This is an idea I feel that could be expanded on. You could tell us in what way beauty is being demonstrated and omit this line.
in flesh and blood Comma. In flesh and blood seems a bit cliche to me
a musky embrace Comma
a dying rasp. I'd start this stanza with this line and the one above and find a way to reorder this sentence.
 
Eroded facts and figures I can't imagine eroded facts and figures, let alone facts and figures. I'd go for something a little more specific and evocative instead of the abstraction.
bask in the everlasting sun. Everlasting sun sounds cliche. How were these facts and figures eroded? Was it because of the sun (don't know if this is even possible)? If so, were these facts and figures really just "basking"? Should the sun be described as something else then?
 
Creeping inside hollows; I'd be more specific w/ hollows and replace the semi-colon with a colon.
a denial of instinct.
 
Condemning bells peal distantly.
The suddenness and scale fail to satisfy. This final stanza loses me.

Best, Alex