Honey Crisps

[nozaki]

Beauty demonstrated--demonstrated feels bit off to me. Maybe refined, contained? & I don't know whether the structure of the poem (fragment/complete/fragment/complete) is intentional, but it works for this stanza. 
in flesh and blood
a musky embrace
a dying rasp.--I don't think you need "a" in front of this line. 
 
Eroded facts and figures
bask in the everlasting sun.--Interesting image the more I think about it, but facts and figures seems redundant. 
 
Creeping inside hollows;--unfortunately my least favorite line in this piece. Too vague. Hollows of what? what is creeping? at least give us a hint. 
a denial of instinct.
 
Condemning bells peal distantly.--I think peal has a distant connotation, I would cut distantly. 
The suddenness and scale fail to satisfy.--are you referring to honey crisps? the title makes this line relevant, but on its own, it's weak.