Transient

[Richard]

Hey Ryan,
I like the idea you're using here. I just feel like you could do more with it. I'll go into more detail below:

Existing on the razors edge of either here nor there. -I feel like it should be "or" instead of "nor". As well, you could do a whole stanza about this idea of not belonging. May be outline an image of a transient person and describe it in a way to emphasize the sense of non-belonging you're going for here.
Disenfranchised wisps of broken dreams and hopelessness. -Maybe instead of saying "broken dreams" give a specific broken dream.
The ones living eternally, between the margins. -The metaphor "between the margins" needs to be expanded upon. For example, who/what is doing the writing?

I think you got a decent start here. You just need to take it further.

Cheers,
Richard