05-15-2018, 11:58 PM
Hi, Ryan, I don't think the double spacing or couplets are doing the poem any favors. As the subject is a rant which we all need to hear often in the hopes of knocking the obvious into our heads, I think it deserves more interesting poetry to make that lasting impression.
In this line I can't make sense of the rather:
"Then get needle out of your arm, rather phone out of your hand."
Good luck with it.
In this line I can't make sense of the rather:
"Then get needle out of your arm, rather phone out of your hand."
Good luck with it.
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