05-13-2018, 02:32 PM
Hi Ryan,
A lot of punctuation inconsistencies, such as the absence of periods when needed and the use of ellipses; three or four dots is the ideal number. Missing a "the" in "then get needle out...", L14 I believe. Not sure why the third to last line is not spaced from the one above it like the rest of the lines are. As far as the content, it's nothing the audience would have never heard before. Those last two lines NEED work; they are way too generic and t-shirt-slogany.
Best, Alex
A lot of punctuation inconsistencies, such as the absence of periods when needed and the use of ellipses; three or four dots is the ideal number. Missing a "the" in "then get needle out...", L14 I believe. Not sure why the third to last line is not spaced from the one above it like the rest of the lines are. As far as the content, it's nothing the audience would have never heard before. Those last two lines NEED work; they are way too generic and t-shirt-slogany.
Best, Alex