05-10-2018, 10:03 PM
OK, RC, addressing the revision now.
Baseball caps pointed backwards,
small-town lowriders cruise
across Texas plains in hydraulic rigs
with over-size chrome mag tires.
I didn't/don't get a sense of N in this scene
(perhaps because of 'caps', plural), and
'lowriders' renders 'hydraulic...tires' redundant.
Nor do I get the sense of N travelling.
That doesn't start until S3.
Striding out on a limb here RC, but I wonder
if you've got two separate (but related) pieces.
RnR Roulette, and the second (for want of a title)
Texas through Song.
Rock and Roll Roulette.
Christmas Day in Houston, 1954, backstage, [road weary],
Johnny [Ace], pie-eyed, [and] playing with a [.32],
Big Mama told him: Don’ mess with that gun,
Johnny, somebody gonna get hurt.
[S'o]K, it ain’t loaded Mama. He squeezed it off
and [all] his mics backfired; Dm, the final chord, faded into blue smoke.
Blues, make me an island behind this wheel
every tune a bone-tingle transformation.
I dial in an R&B station, Johnny Ace [is belting] out
Yes Baby, Big Mama Thornton [still __?_] on harp.
After the 1961 graduation prom, Mary Ann
interrupted our fumblings with each other
in the back seat to say - Oooh-Ooh - JJ –
that’s beautiful? It’s the way I feel right now.
Music to watch Texas go by.
Baseball caps pointed backwards,
small-town lowriders cruise
across Texas plains in hydraulic rigs
with over-size chrome mag tires.
Four old ranchers stand in a circle,
telling stories and laughing
as dusk moves in over the palisade.
Hank, complimenting the cowboy tableau,
- 'complimenting' too much tell not enough show.
Honky Tonk Blues on my radio,
as dusk moves in over the palisades.
Below along the river bed, cottonwoods
huddle together in the evening breeze.
On the long drive into the mountains,
Johnny’s voice on the radio is bold,
sharp as the first tune he turned to gold.
(and one more line).
There are no side questions.
Best, Knot.
Baseball caps pointed backwards,
small-town lowriders cruise
across Texas plains in hydraulic rigs
with over-size chrome mag tires.
I didn't/don't get a sense of N in this scene
(perhaps because of 'caps', plural), and
'lowriders' renders 'hydraulic...tires' redundant.
Nor do I get the sense of N travelling.
That doesn't start until S3.
Striding out on a limb here RC, but I wonder
if you've got two separate (but related) pieces.
RnR Roulette, and the second (for want of a title)
Texas through Song.
Rock and Roll Roulette.
Christmas Day in Houston, 1954, backstage, [road weary],
Johnny [Ace], pie-eyed, [and] playing with a [.32],
Big Mama told him: Don’ mess with that gun,
Johnny, somebody gonna get hurt.
[S'o]K, it ain’t loaded Mama. He squeezed it off
and [all] his mics backfired; Dm, the final chord, faded into blue smoke.
Blues, make me an island behind this wheel
every tune a bone-tingle transformation.
I dial in an R&B station, Johnny Ace [is belting] out
Yes Baby, Big Mama Thornton [still __?_] on harp.
After the 1961 graduation prom, Mary Ann
interrupted our fumblings with each other
in the back seat to say - Oooh-Ooh - JJ –
that’s beautiful? It’s the way I feel right now.
Music to watch Texas go by.
Baseball caps pointed backwards,
small-town lowriders cruise
across Texas plains in hydraulic rigs
with over-size chrome mag tires.
Four old ranchers stand in a circle,
telling stories and laughing
as dusk moves in over the palisade.
Hank, complimenting the cowboy tableau,
- 'complimenting' too much tell not enough show.
Honky Tonk Blues on my radio,
as dusk moves in over the palisades.
Below along the river bed, cottonwoods
huddle together in the evening breeze.
On the long drive into the mountains,
Johnny’s voice on the radio is bold,
sharp as the first tune he turned to gold.
(and one more line).
There are no side questions.
Best, Knot.