Moon-hiding (Rv. 1)

[danny_]

Some good points Knot, thank you. Although I think you're preference in style is quite different, your critical feedback offers some good opportunity for improvement than I would normally have.

Do not agree that anthropomorphizing the moon (good grief what a word, I like personification better) adds nothing. It is subjective to the characters that the moon is watching. However I will consider providing a little more reason as to why they feel this way.

You might have to get used to my linear style. I don't always write this way but sometimes I like a story-telling approach, as long as it's clear and flowing, and I like to save the best for last.

I agree about the opportunity for a sensual word there in the shower, which may add something special.

I think patting works fine with slipped, because patting can imply gentle footsteps on the ground. This is what happens when you slip down soft sand trails.

I agree the purple-blue aspect still isn't clear. I've already fixed it (post later). When facing the light, the back side of your body is a dark hue contrast to the front side.

Yes the shower has hot water, it's on whether anyone currently rents or not. True story.


Appreciate your time.