First Edit: My Apologies

[Todd]

Hi Richard,

A few comments on your edit.

I wouldn't lead with the conceit in line 1. I suggest a rearrangement like this:

My first kiss tasted red
as overripe strawberries. I'm sorry,
but I was distracted by poetry.

First Edit:

My Apologies

I'm sorry, but I was distracted by poetry.
My first kiss tasted red as overripe strawberries.
When you were born, I fixated--I'd maybe do a strophe break before this line to because this new memory is sort of like a scene change in fiction. Again slight change. I'd pull out when you were born and move that to the end. (The kiss tasted red and then here I fixated on the rose petals) Make the image pop first and then add the "when you were born" after mother belos.
on the rose petals
that fell from your mother.--possible other strophe break
My fifth drink that night a flag,
each sip rising it towards half mast.
Next to my father's bed, I waited--possible strophe break
to catch death with dirty hands,
tiptoeing out the back door,
but I was distracted by poetry.--optional strophe break
I'm sorry.

Those are my main comments at this point. Hope they help.

Best,

Todd