05-02-2018, 09:23 PM
Bunx
Enjoyable read,
though I found the rhymes slightly distracting
and 'how will I fair?' seemed comparatively
weak. Few too many commas, particularly
towards the end. Just a suggestion;
Momentary divine abstraction, brought
[about] by absurd chance, sand falling
in the hour glass with each scared kiss
we share. Without you how will I fair?
Looking at scribbles from time come
and gone, love is as if a re-run
where one is a transfer station on the way
to Portland, the next destination.
Best, Knot.
Enjoyable read,
though I found the rhymes slightly distracting
and 'how will I fair?' seemed comparatively
weak. Few too many commas, particularly
towards the end. Just a suggestion;
Momentary divine abstraction, brought
[about] by absurd chance, sand falling
in the hour glass with each scared kiss
we share. Without you how will I fair?
Looking at scribbles from time come
and gone, love is as if a re-run
where one is a transfer station on the way
to Portland, the next destination.
Best, Knot.