Edit 1: Abel

[Knot]

Hi Alex,
a little going a long way, nicely done.

Edit 1: Abel


We once shared a bed
you bloodied. There was no A/C
do you need 'a/c' ?
Perhaps,
Nothing would keep you...
to keep you from scratching at your skin,
This feels like a unfinished thought (manner of scratching)
or possibly it could be;
We once shared a bed
you bloodied, scratching
at your skin like...
a blanket that you tried peeling free of,
ending with a preposition doesn't work that well,
why not
a blanket from which you would peel yourself ?
while your lungs constricted whimpers
don't think 'whimpers' offers much,
maybe just cut it.
into wheezing sleeplessness.

Let's trade blankets, little brother,
not keen on the repetition of 'blankets'
why not simply 'places' ?
and go back to dreaming.
slightly problematic, 'deaming' after
'sleeplessness'.


Best, Knot


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