The Sea and No Promises (Rv. 1)

[michellewareham]

The Sea and No Promises

We wind our way through beach towels
and sun-baked bodies
like a vibrant quilt strewn over blinding
white stretches for miles << excellent description of beach 

In short skirts and sunglasses, finer ladies
trot the boardwalk, not dressed for swim,
not interested in messy sand,
just to be further spoiled by the view - << not sure if stanza needed unless important to narrative?

the green-apple sea. << my favourite line
You follow me until
our feet begin to sink in the wet;
the sun hot on our backs
we both dive in. << narrative starts at this stanza then... not necessarily powerful if you have something stranger too say?

From a floating laughter we behold
our preoccupied audience,
so colorful and widely spread,
and the climbs beyond -
the great white mountains in the blue.

My eyes return to you,
gently kicking when your toes can't
reach the bottom.

You're hard-working, << I think this line is a better opener to draw you directly into the heart of the story? kind of earthy.
from a little stucco home beyond the dunes,
always salt in your clothes, hair, and skin,
and your father mends his nets outside;

the distance a boat can take a man
is the reason for whatever is absent
when you smile,

the storms that blow for days and weeks,
the loneliness of an empty home,
his flowers framed in misted window panes
with no promises. << change of subject? good end if it's a twist

---

This isn't deep enough. It doesn't reach into her story far enough to be touching. There are some weak lines. I will have to meditate on the background further and pull stronger images into the ending lines.