NaPM April 13, 2018

[Keith]

Foundation on a bruise

This was quite engaging, especially after a few reads. A few parts could be made a little clearer but I do see the whole picture. Only the second stanza seemed a bit confusing, and the title perhaps doesn't do it justice. A very touching subject for me, and also something I have written about before.

"a split lip sips coffee" - good image to say without saying.
"She smashes her parking lot fists" - giving the fists the noun-as-adjective of what they actually were responsible for. i like it.
"resuming their childhood" - yes.
"[...] they can't see the bread" - nice ending line, with dual meaning.



Good work, put it in the workshop later and shape it up even better.

Thanks Danny for the feedback, really appreciated. I am hoping to select a few for the workshops when we reach the end, its good to know you think this one is worth it. Best Keith