04-13-2018, 03:55 AM
Appreciate your feedback and time, CRNDLSM!
I grew up on the beach so I take at least two things for granted here. Sea-oats (just google it) are beautiful and grow like crazy. The door on the spring is later (somewhat) explained by "outdoor shower", but I know this is far less familiar to most people. They are little additions to the side of beach houses, four walls that don't reach the planks of the deck (you can see if someone is inside by their feet) with a door on a spring to keep it closed, with a shower and wood bench inside. It's so you can rinse off and wash up after a day at the beach.
Your feedback will help me clarify some of the scene.
I'm a sucker for ands, although I think I could cut two or three without harm. I'm not sure why but they give it a certain human, voice-like appeal to me. Maybe it's how I would say it if I were speaking, but it's definitely something I will keep in mind and watch out for, as it may very well be a bad habit.
"head to my soul I'm blown away" - I wasn't quite sure what you meant, if it was positive or sarcastic.
Thanks again, I'm also glad to hear you enjoyed some what I hoped were good lines.
I grew up on the beach so I take at least two things for granted here. Sea-oats (just google it) are beautiful and grow like crazy. The door on the spring is later (somewhat) explained by "outdoor shower", but I know this is far less familiar to most people. They are little additions to the side of beach houses, four walls that don't reach the planks of the deck (you can see if someone is inside by their feet) with a door on a spring to keep it closed, with a shower and wood bench inside. It's so you can rinse off and wash up after a day at the beach.
Your feedback will help me clarify some of the scene.
I'm a sucker for ands, although I think I could cut two or three without harm. I'm not sure why but they give it a certain human, voice-like appeal to me. Maybe it's how I would say it if I were speaking, but it's definitely something I will keep in mind and watch out for, as it may very well be a bad habit.
"head to my soul I'm blown away" - I wasn't quite sure what you meant, if it was positive or sarcastic.
Thanks again, I'm also glad to hear you enjoyed some what I hoped were good lines.
"The best way out is always through."-Robert Frost
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