04-10-2018, 02:58 AM
Hi! The title catches the reader's imagination, and opens interestingly with personification, good job. I like the image of water running down bodies, however, the word 'drain' trips me up, I'd play with that. I didn't get melting-wax at first, aknd imagined waxing legs and tanning booths haha, but then read sunset and was pleasantly surprised. Cross over is a vague verb kinda to me and I'm left with wanting to be able to see them better on the dunes. I adore the sea oats he he. The rest of the poem is very easy to see and it's wonderful, particularly the shower with the moonlight drawing lines. I like the sounds of ankle and cheek. Then you end with personification again, circling back in that way, nice. What a cool experience, much enjoyed.