Before the Cooks Arrive (Revision 1)

[Knot]

Hey danny.

L5/L6    It's an interesting detail, but also
oddly drab (after 'dark gut')

L10    'Hugged' clashes with 'charred',
I think.

L21    'watched by' doesn't work very well.
(two different 'windows' (L3))

Have you considered switching the order
of the verses?  S3, S2, S1 seems promising
(and the change in focus is less jarring).


Best, Knot.