04-09-2018, 02:04 PM
Hi Erthona,
Some good lines in here that I enjoyed, such as "Please, quietly take whatever it is / you have come to steal."
There was a lot of over-expression, or over-achieving of expression by use of many words. But I can totally relate because I've done it myself many times (probably am right now.) It is a good thing to do when first engaging a work. Except I think this experience that you had, full of justified resentment, might better be finally told as a story, or at least partially, rather than as just your reaction to the events. So, I'd like to hear what the heck happened. At least some of the key moments. What did the person do that was immoral and then beyond immoral? What trickery in action was it that blind love was willing to overlook for a time? But show, from your perspective, how it unfolded.
Your reaction is clear but to engage our emotions, come from the perspective of telling the story. Start with the love. What you saw about the person that pulled your heart strings. Then the actions that seemed wrong but you overlooked. Where did they take place? Then the tricks that became too obvious to ignore, still hard to face because of your feelings. Then what you saw and heard that finally crossed the line.
Seems like the piece is touching on something pretty deep, and those are the hardest to write.
Some good lines in here that I enjoyed, such as "Please, quietly take whatever it is / you have come to steal."
There was a lot of over-expression, or over-achieving of expression by use of many words. But I can totally relate because I've done it myself many times (probably am right now.) It is a good thing to do when first engaging a work. Except I think this experience that you had, full of justified resentment, might better be finally told as a story, or at least partially, rather than as just your reaction to the events. So, I'd like to hear what the heck happened. At least some of the key moments. What did the person do that was immoral and then beyond immoral? What trickery in action was it that blind love was willing to overlook for a time? But show, from your perspective, how it unfolded.
Your reaction is clear but to engage our emotions, come from the perspective of telling the story. Start with the love. What you saw about the person that pulled your heart strings. Then the actions that seemed wrong but you overlooked. Where did they take place? Then the tricks that became too obvious to ignore, still hard to face because of your feelings. Then what you saw and heard that finally crossed the line.
Seems like the piece is touching on something pretty deep, and those are the hardest to write.
"The best way out is always through."-Robert Frost
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