04-07-2018, 04:54 AM
Thanks, that was decent feedback. I agree about the switch in focus.
If you have the image in mind (if I conveyed it well enough at all) the red tile steams because there's very hot water on it. But that probably wasn't conveyed, it was more the stoves that she was blasting the grease off. I see the mistake now.
"fat" may be unneeded. This all comes from a real-life experience but sometimes the real details aren't helpful to the poem.
predawn was used in place of dark/night as she is up very early to do this job... before the cooks arrive.
Very good stuff to think about, I thank you.
If you have the image in mind (if I conveyed it well enough at all) the red tile steams because there's very hot water on it. But that probably wasn't conveyed, it was more the stoves that she was blasting the grease off. I see the mistake now.
"fat" may be unneeded. This all comes from a real-life experience but sometimes the real details aren't helpful to the poem.
predawn was used in place of dark/night as she is up very early to do this job... before the cooks arrive.
Very good stuff to think about, I thank you.
"The best way out is always through."-Robert Frost
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