04-01-2018, 10:43 PM
I like the title, it's what made me click on your poem twice haha. The first stanza is very strong in its sounds and images, I can definitely be brought into the scene. I think the first 3 lines of the second stanza could be played around with to eliminate the repetition and to use those lines to give the reader more visuals, maybe. The last lines of that stanza stand out, I think. I would say the same for the third stanza as well. Totally just my opinion. I think in general, cleaning up words that don't serve what you want to portray will make this that much tighter. I enjoyed reading it because I could actually feel the cold, and the warmth of summer at the end .