03-27-2018, 11:46 PM
off topic:
i salute whomever achieves to write down his or her emotions unfiltered (whith or without the use of a thesaurus). i think this is one of the aims of poetry.
the problem is that the seemingly nebulous emotions are the filtered ones. it´s clarity and reasons for emotions that usually get obscured by one´s own brain.
concerning poem:
i salute whomever achieves to write down his or her emotions unfiltered (whith or without the use of a thesaurus). i think this is one of the aims of poetry.
the problem is that the seemingly nebulous emotions are the filtered ones. it´s clarity and reasons for emotions that usually get obscured by one´s own brain.
concerning poem:
(03-23-2018, 01:11 PM)zwubz Wrote: An erratic pulse accompanies like thoughts "accompany" makes a connection from "pulse" to "thoughts".. but consider something like "erratic thoughts direct my pulse"
Hand shakily leveling the escape do away with the "ings" in this line and the ones that follow. "hands level the escape shakily" sounds nicer
Sitting in silent contemplation
Sleepless nights take toll a bit clichéd
Worn notepads of expression lay scattered "notepads of expression" does not really make sense. think about what you want to say with this line...
Mirror reflecting raw emotion
A singular muscle fiber threshold ... and this...
Synaptic misfire risks neurocellular expansion ... because i think you got an interesting metaphor going here, but i am not capable of getting it.
Desire to reach out met by paralytic fear
A twitch , A depression of steel
One does see the cailber of my thoughts. "caliber". and no, i don´t see it yet.
Hello zwubz!
i´m sorry this is too much criticism for misc (according to rules).
but from my point of view misc shouldn´t be restricted in that fashion anyway.why not give a detailed opinion, even if the writer (merely by posting in misc) expresses that feedback is not explicitly needed?
...