FEAR

[Todd]

Hi HersheyKiss,

Welcome to the site!

Here are some comments:

The sounds of footsteps echo in the night--probably sound not sounds
Clanking faster and faster against the marble floor--clanking feels like the wrong word like she's being pursued by a robot. Faster and faster feels a bit wordy and could likely be cut
A heart beat thumps out of control--heartbeat is one word.
Eyes scanning for an open door--You deal with sounds in this strophe. This line feels out of place.

A shivered cold breath mixes in the air around it--cold feels unnessary. shivered breath would be better. Throughout the poem look for cuts like this that would enhance your words.
Unseen through the musky blackness of the night 
A breeze enters through the holes in the wall
laying goosebumps on all in its sight--This personification pulls us out of the moment and doesn't work that well.

"come out come out where ever you are"
A voice so stern and steal shouts--the phrasing is off here so stern and steal
A dark shadow looms over the room
Blocking the only way out--This line eliminates the need for the earlier scanning for an open door line.

She plays through her head what she can do
Of the two choices that lay ahead
She can cower in fear as her end draws near
Just waiting for herself to be dead--This strophe is too introspective. It pulls us out of the moment. It shifts the point of view like a story might (third-person omniscient) and should probably be cut.

or maybe, just maybe, if she can push through this--This line is a transitional prose line and doesn't work in a poem. 
She just might come out on top
If she trys hard enough she can get out okay --typo: tries
Just as long as she never stops--Again the poem would be stronger by cutting this entire strophe.

The only problem is facing this fear
Tho its the only solution with hope--Though not Tho 
But yet its so hard to take that first step
Down such a slippery slop --you mean slipperly slope that is cliche. Also, this stophe is lacking like the last too. I recommend cutting it also.

Thunder claps in the sky above 
pulling her from her thoughts
Bringing her back to reality as lightning hits a tree--I don't think you need "to reality" 
causing her eyes to see dots

The light conceals the dark around it--This is an interesting good line. It's so interesting I'd probably consider it for a new opening line. 
Directing shadows across the room
That once perfect hiding spot now plain as day--plain as day is painfully cliche and should be cut. 
as the shadows dance in the gloom

Heat spreads as fast as fire--Not an interesting observation--rework this perhaps.
Making the heart beat faster still--in this case heat beat can be two words 
Sweat beads drip off two faces--conserve your words perhaps cut drip and see what that does for the line.
As one darts for the kill

A weapon of glass found on the floor
Shown by the light of the fire
And a victim with no chance of survival
Slashed as if nothing but a tire

A pool of blood drips to the floor
The body falls in a crumble
And the killer watches with crusted dark eyes
Not a sound, not a word, not a mumble

She didn't pick this path it was picked for her
It was a choice she had rather not made
But if not for that fire raging on behind her
Maybe her life would not have been saved

I'll stop there. I'm probably pushing how much feedback I should give in basic. I hope the comments help.

Best,

Todd