03-20-2018, 04:58 AM
I've nothing to add toward your structured rhyme scheme, as I think the others did a great job of that already.
I enjoyed your rhymes much and the imagery they produced.
But although I was diggin' the imagery, there is little substance beyond that; no essence to the poem other than it's a miserable motel.
(At least that my limited perception could grasp.)
& I think if there's no underlying purpose to your poem other than depiction, it becomes only that - a scene, which ultimately means your poem lacks a quality of awe.
The ultimate poetry is like a bottomless pit: its depth can be pondered on if its meaningful, and perhaps offers profound insights for the mind to indulge along the way.
And maybe there's small quantifiable nuggets to ponder on, but if its not self-evident after the first couple revisions, It's lacking something crucial in my opinion.
(I guess in this case... just focus on other aspects so you don't reduce all potential to imagery)
I guess if there's nothing to take home after reading the poem, it's not a keeper, so to speak.
I enjoyed your rhymes much and the imagery they produced.
But although I was diggin' the imagery, there is little substance beyond that; no essence to the poem other than it's a miserable motel.
(At least that my limited perception could grasp.)
& I think if there's no underlying purpose to your poem other than depiction, it becomes only that - a scene, which ultimately means your poem lacks a quality of awe.
The ultimate poetry is like a bottomless pit: its depth can be pondered on if its meaningful, and perhaps offers profound insights for the mind to indulge along the way.
And maybe there's small quantifiable nuggets to ponder on, but if its not self-evident after the first couple revisions, It's lacking something crucial in my opinion.
(I guess in this case... just focus on other aspects so you don't reduce all potential to imagery)
I guess if there's nothing to take home after reading the poem, it's not a keeper, so to speak.
assholery not intended .