03-19-2018, 06:19 AM
You've got some solid potential here and some good imagery. Your meter could use a little polishing. Also, this verse:
A shifting timeline
seems unreal to me.
I'm living in a nightmare,
it seems so real to me.
I agree with the other poster who said they seem to be contradicting ideas. Also, you've essentially rhymed "real to me" with "real to me" which, while defintely allowed, seems a bit uncreative. Consider this alternative:
A shifting timeline,
Secrets reveal to me.
The living nightmare
seems so real to me.
I look forward to the next two parts.
A shifting timeline
seems unreal to me.
I'm living in a nightmare,
it seems so real to me.
I agree with the other poster who said they seem to be contradicting ideas. Also, you've essentially rhymed "real to me" with "real to me" which, while defintely allowed, seems a bit uncreative. Consider this alternative:
A shifting timeline,
Secrets reveal to me.
The living nightmare
seems so real to me.
I look forward to the next two parts.