First Edit: No Such Things as Happy Endings

[Knot]

Hi Richard,
I wonder if you might reorder S1, as in;

I was actually greeting death
when I kissed you goodbye
last night. Your cheek reeked
of poisonous medicine,
[the bald head needs elaboration,
show rather than tell]
You used to tell me
Dad first noticed you
because of your hair,
[its curls...]

I agree with Johnny about S2 (and further developing S1) -
though you might possibly add a middle section that bridges
the gap between the two.
I don't think the title fits that well with S1,
that has a tenderness that the title lacks.


Best, Knot.