03-13-2018, 04:27 PM
Hi nibbed.
An interesting piece and you obviously enjoyed your day at Willow Run enormously.
I have just one area that I thought I might draw attention to, in the following 2s section:
It was the marriage
of my own hand and heart I sought,
asking The Spirit, longing
through worn erasers and coloured pens
expressions of bravery
determination on the faces
of what I knew to be worn troops led,
hearts burdened by lost or spineless men.
The above is a single sentence and in the penultimate line (L3 of S2) I can't reconcile the word 'led' within the sentence statement.
For what it's worth.
Cheers,
Frank
An interesting piece and you obviously enjoyed your day at Willow Run enormously.
I have just one area that I thought I might draw attention to, in the following 2s section:
It was the marriage
of my own hand and heart I sought,
asking The Spirit, longing
through worn erasers and coloured pens
expressions of bravery
determination on the faces
of what I knew to be worn troops led,
hearts burdened by lost or spineless men.
The above is a single sentence and in the penultimate line (L3 of S2) I can't reconcile the word 'led' within the sentence statement.
For what it's worth.
Cheers,
Frank