03-13-2018, 01:58 AM
Hi Richard,
I'm broadly in agreement with Todd, but I wonder if you could preserve L1 be adding 'Now...' ?
Then developing the idea with the 'reaching under' from version one for the 'relationship reasons'
that Todd described. Might provide a better contrast with the apparent nostalgia of S2.
I still think it's missing an element, the moment that prompts the title.
I wonder if the end might be more effective if you finish on 'waiting'?
Best, Knot.
I'm broadly in agreement with Todd, but I wonder if you could preserve L1 be adding 'Now...' ?
Then developing the idea with the 'reaching under' from version one for the 'relationship reasons'
that Todd described. Might provide a better contrast with the apparent nostalgia of S2.
I still think it's missing an element, the moment that prompts the title.
I wonder if the end might be more effective if you finish on 'waiting'?
Best, Knot.