Confines of Mortality

[XLateralus]

I'm new to creating poems, this is actually my first! I need to practice quite a bit. I just revised the poem based upon critiques.  

sifting through the notions of our origin not sure about the use of second person “our” here. The rest of the poem feels very meta, the word “our” not so much. I would also consider cutting “the” in “the notions”
burdened with the sentiment of isolation
diligent deliberation of eternity  this alliteration is a bit much. It seems gratuitous. I can’t make this line connect with the first two, and I’m not sure the first two make a complete thought. Maybe you need a bridge between the two thoughts.
under the influence of despair 
one may presume the soul to be  these last two lines flow together fine, but if you add the line above, it again feels like there is something missing sentence wise. Poetry doesn’t always have to make perfect complete sentences, but I think this is a bit jarring.
of memory's collection,
aimlessly adrift;
through perpetual 
darkness I like the everlasting life/space metaphor. Perhaps the title is a little too concrete.

Thanks.