Confines of Mortality

[nibbed]

hi lorvick


sifting through the notions of our origin          -I like how notions is used here
burdened with the sentiment of isolation
[diligent deliberation of eternity              
under the influence of despair]                         -powerful 2 lines here, to me, this influence hopes,
one may presume the soul to be                                           waits for kind and peaceful opportunity.
of memory's collection,                                        - I like presumption in this verse
aimlessly adrift;
through perpetual                                                  -not sure about perpetual, sometimes we are surprised
darkness                                                                     at least happy when someone flips the switch



I think you did wonderfully for your very first poem. Perhaps you are gifted! I like the form and how it funnels down to little, allowing the word darkness less
power or significance and may even hint at darkness' end. Not sure the title justifies the work, though quite an interesting title, to say the least!


-nibbed