03-08-2018, 07:11 PM
Hey,
I think Cloud has hit the nail on the head with the suggestion to reverse the I Hate You and the I Love You. Really good shout there. I like the simplicity of this, I do however think that brevity would work with a piece like this, why? Because the repetition becomes tiresome by the end of the piece. I also think that you need to try and combine and utilise some more flowing imagery within the piece to really draw the reader in. I think you could create stanzas out of each couplet that show the reader the reasons behind the comfort or the hurt for example, and still utilise the repeated refrains of I Hate You and I Love You.
Regards
Johnny
I think Cloud has hit the nail on the head with the suggestion to reverse the I Hate You and the I Love You. Really good shout there. I like the simplicity of this, I do however think that brevity would work with a piece like this, why? Because the repetition becomes tiresome by the end of the piece. I also think that you need to try and combine and utilise some more flowing imagery within the piece to really draw the reader in. I think you could create stanzas out of each couplet that show the reader the reasons behind the comfort or the hurt for example, and still utilise the repeated refrains of I Hate You and I Love You.
Regards
Johnny