Second Edit: Why I Don't Sleep Naked Anymore

[Knot]

Hi Richard,
better for the edit I think, but perhaps still
has some way to go.

There are still moments when snow melts,
Not sure, but do you need 'still'?
ice weakens and cracks, the sky dark
Delete 'and'? 'The sky [is] dark'
seems like it should be the start of a new
sentence, not a continuation.
like the nightdress you used to wear
that hung tight against your hips, drooped
maybe 'which hung' and 'sagged'?
in the front, felt soft against my stomach.
(Do you need 'felt'?)
Feels like a line is missing -
'felt soft against my stomach
and...'?

Your snoring used to keep me warm,
but now winter nights creep in,
even reaching under my blankets.
Good as far as it goes, but it doesn't go
far enough. Is the 'reaching' erotic
or threatening or..?
Also, S1 seems like a description of
'winter nights' so this feels like a bit
of a repetition (and not as well written)

Can't quite see how you get from S2 to here;
feels like a big leap and, again, only
half a verse.
So this is just another ending for us.
We're sick from words like “forever,”
this page not our first deathbed.

Best, Knot.