03-05-2018, 10:37 AM
Hi Andy
Shouldn't there be four lots of DUM da da, Thus 12 syllables per line? I like some of the partial end rhymes and the internal rhymes, however the poem doesn't really grab me, mostly because of the content, it feels superficial in many places and there are some lines that feel forced into catching a rhyme Votes and Felt especially. You could try and rewrite thinking more about what you want to say then stick to the meter you have chosen. Best Keith
Shouldn't there be four lots of DUM da da, Thus 12 syllables per line? I like some of the partial end rhymes and the internal rhymes, however the poem doesn't really grab me, mostly because of the content, it feels superficial in many places and there are some lines that feel forced into catching a rhyme Votes and Felt especially. You could try and rewrite thinking more about what you want to say then stick to the meter you have chosen. Best Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out