03-04-2018, 04:53 PM
It started with dread and finished with embarrassment.
There was nothing to blame except the scratchy Not sure if I've ever described my brain as a "scratchy sponge," but other people seem to be down with it, so that's OK
sponge resting in my skull.
Grace was given and exceptions made, This line is a bit unclear. Maybe change "exceptions" to a less ambiguous word.
but there it was, the final hour,
and what had been achieved?
The church bells tolled,
one after the other.
The cigarette burned,
down to the stub.
Time had
run
out.
If you rework line 2 and remove or change the last three lines, you have the opportunity to end each line with punctuation, which is something that I would personally do for.
There was nothing to blame except the scratchy Not sure if I've ever described my brain as a "scratchy sponge," but other people seem to be down with it, so that's OK
sponge resting in my skull.
Grace was given and exceptions made, This line is a bit unclear. Maybe change "exceptions" to a less ambiguous word.
but there it was, the final hour,
and what had been achieved?
The church bells tolled,
one after the other.
The cigarette burned,
down to the stub.
Time had
run
out.
If you rework line 2 and remove or change the last three lines, you have the opportunity to end each line with punctuation, which is something that I would personally do for.