Oratorio

[Todd]

I don't have a lot of critique for this revision. This is much improved. There are still some areas I may come back to address after I sit with it more. I do like the longer line lengths--best fix you've done. 

I do want to point out one thing though (bolded below).

Revision#1

Oratorio


In thumbed pages, slow-turning, penned
by men stiff collared in candlelight, their names
unpronouncible to young tongues, I find you

Head resting on a scattering of dust covered pages,
your glasses akimbo, legs creased. By your feet,
warm hearted and wool cosied, breath perfumed sweet,
a teapot. Jennens’ oratorio whispers in your ear.

You look much like me, but older, simpler more reserved.

In thumbed pages, slow turning, I first notice your hands.
Funny little stick men live between thumb and pointer.
It looks like you’ve doodled them. Didn’t Granny tell you,
not to draw on yourself? Was there a shortage of paper
when you were young?

In thumbed pages, slow turning, I find you.
Head resting on a scattering of dusted pages
your glasses akimbo, legs creased. You stir to see me,
small palms pushing on the door. I can’t sleep and you
beckon me over…

no longer flesh and blood but ink smeared paper,
your is face lost, forgotten, hidden somewhere amongst adjectives, --do you mean "your face is lost" I think you do and this is a typo because it doesn't make sense.
expletives and verbs.

It is in thumbed pages, slow turning, I find that you have gone.


Still not fond of the lack of hyphens but I can live with it.

Best,

Todd